Hilfenhaus ... the man has an incredible knowledge of numbers. Source: David Mariuz / AAP
What happened at the Test on day two? You'll find out plenty from former Australia and Tasmania all-rounder Brett Geeves, but probably not that.
1. Rainy days
Did you know that in the great musical movie Singin' in the Rain, the rain was a mixture of water and milk to make it visible on screen? So when Gene Kelly filmed that iconic dance scene, he was actually singing in the milk? Further to this, the Milk and Water Embrace of the Kama Sutra is not for family reunions, or the cricket dressing rooms, although they could do with some excitement on days like this.
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Being at the cricket when it's raining is as tedious as the Naked Gun's Albert S. Meinheimer's power point presentation on the need for a policy, based on energy efficiency and clean renewable energy sources.
The modern cricketer is a very different beast to the one that filled the domestic and international ranks pre-2008.
I can only imagine that during an extended delay in play, caused by rain or (pre-2008) someone placing ice bags under the covers on the way home from a bender, in the hope of catching up on kip the following day; players are now involved in alternate forms of yoga and are more than likely required to offer urine and stool samples to ensure their levels of hydration and fibre intake are both at acceptable levels.
When I retired from first-class cricket, I promised myself that I wouldn't become that guy. We all know the guy, maybe not directly, but you know him.
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He sits at your local bar, on his own, and is forever spruiking - "BACK WHEN I PLAYED". Apologies. But ... it was a free-for-all of cards, drinking, dancing and practical jokes. Of course, we were drinking coffee, which does nothing for your hydration levels - these were rebellious days, man.
There is one rainy day that stands out and the villain was current one-day spinner, Xavier Doherty. This may come as a surprise to some of you, because on TV he comes across as having a personality as straight as the neck of a female member of the Kayan tribe, Africa: Xavier Doherty is not straight. Xavier Doherty is a closet..... mad man.
Anyway, it was a rainy day at the Gabba and by tea time, there had been no play. All players were going a touch crazy. Due to his inability to sit still, James Faulkner had been involved in 11 different physical altercations, Jason Krezja had smoked three packets of ciggies and most others slept or played cards. It was while George Bailey slept, that Xavier Doherty pounced. Keep in mind that he is a closet ... architect. See the photo - he created a masterpiece over the motionless body of Bailey.
2. You've gotta love Hilfy
The kid from North West Tasmania. The former bricky. The man who has an incredible knowledge of numbers and in particular - Sudoku.
Fast bowlers are perceived as having minimal intelligence and well-suited to playing the drums and lifting heavy stuff, like bricks.
It's said, by whom I'm unsure, that Hilf has been asked to play Raymond Babbitt (Dustin Hoffman) in the re-release of Rain Man, such is his love of numbers and the un-canny similarities in personalities. The pressing questions is: To stay with Charlie Babbitt or go back to Walbrook?
It's been well documented that Hilf has spent the last few weeks re-modeling his action. Hilf never actually bowls poorly, but he becomes less efficient when it comes to swinging the ball and in turn, being an aggressive wicket taker.
Even at Hilf's worst, he has the ability to play international cricket because he is so economical and bowls well in partnerships. He can dot up one end, for extended periods, allowing the FAST men to bowl aggressively from the other.
This is partnership bowling and it is effective in all forms of the game, at all levels. So far in this Test, his seam position is good and if he can stay strong with his current action, he will find swing and wickets at some stage in this match.
3,4,5. Mike Hussey
There aren't many words us mere mortals can use when describing Mike Hussey as a person and a cricketer.
Right now, I feel dirty for even thinking about him.
I sang a song about him in the media room and was told very quickly to sod off, such was the disgust in me saying his name out loud.
As I write this, he just took a catch. Wow - I, like you, am in love with Mike Hussey.
As a sign of my respect and love (and not because the page is about to end) I am dedicating numbers 3, 4 and 5 to Mike Hussey.
